Crystal Clear Moments: Depression

....What can I do?

If your in depression,what will you do?I'm in that situation now.Couldn't do anything about it,so decided to write it all out here.I have a real life story to tell....

I met a friend when I was form 1,most of them who heard of this story might know who is it.Let's call her Amanda.You know,new environment new people,you will have a hard time meeting new friends around in new school especially the 1st day.So am I.Amanda was the 1st one who talk to me and introduce me to some of her friends.We blend very well and no long later we became best friends.Coincidently,her brother and my brother were best friends too.We live at the same area.Every morning we will walk to school together.We talk about almost everything.Join almost every club in school together.

Long story short,we weren't that close together as time goes by cause from Form2 onwards I stayed in the first class while she drop to the second class.Due to different class and I met other friends,we seldom talk like before.I thought maybe she met new friends in that class and whenever I'm with her friends I felt awkward cause wrong channel,that's why we don't really mix around.In the end I found out that I was wrong.Form4 that year,she began to avoid me and that was the year my mum and her mum were quite close together.As her mum don't know how to drive so my mum will pick her up and bring her 'yum cha'.So everytime I will appear in her house.Didn't realize that she doesn't like it at all.

One night,someone told me that she wrote something on her blog thats about me.So I read and found out that don't know when onwards she started hate me a lot.In her post,all kinds of foul words can be read.Guess that's the way of her expressing her anger.She wrote every single bad things about me,some are true but some are fake.As I was reading that post,I cried and cried.I couldn't believe she can do this kind of things.I couldn't believe that she can use so many foul words at a time.I just couldn't believe what I had read.From that day onwards,I didn't talk to her at all.In school,she always give me the 'pisst off' look.Whenever I saw her doing that,I felt so sad.My mum don't know about this so she still go to her house and visit her mum.My mum told me that whenever Amanda saw her,she will just walk off infront of my mum without saying Hi.I was so depress when i heard that.Is me she hate of not my mum.I didn't want to drag my mum in this,somehow my mum realize what happen and she stop going to her house.I didn't want to drag my other best friends like Nikk and Yvonne into this too,but she didn't even want to talk to them since then.

After a year which is now, I thought everything's all cool down and fating off,but I was wrong again.I was so childish to think that maybe if I talk her again,the problem will solve.I always think of that but I don't have the courage to talk to her yet and I thought maybe next time if there's a chance for me to.

But it doesn't seem that easy,last Thursday during tuition,my friend "Mely" told me something.Mely seldom gossip but she couldn't hold it as she was angry at what Amanda did in school.Mely told me that during PJK while me and some friends were playing badminton,Amanda was shouting and criticizing me behind my back in the corridor.Amanda said:" That S.S.H (a cantonese fault words which means bitch in a way),F*** her la.Don't know how to play badminton but still F***ing standing there playing and holding the racket don't let the others to play.Man,see her already wana D** her." Mely said when I was playing badminton,Amanda saw and she wanted to play too but there's no more badminton racket.So she kept telling her friends that I was the one keep holding the racket and didn't want to leave the court.Mely said that she couldn't stand all the foul words that Amanda said towards me.Every single sentence there's a foul word.That's why she decided to tell me.When I heard it,I was so depress.I can't concentrate in whatever I had studied.

Funniest thing was,badminton was what Yvonne and I decided to do whenever there's PJ.The racket was mine and I even brought my own shatter cork to play.What makes her think that I took people's racket and don't let the others to play including her?If she really want to play,why can't she ask from us as there's about 8 of us holding rackets playing in the same court?Why don't she stop whining and think of herself ?Why don't she bring her own racket and play if she wanted to play so much?Guess maybe she don't have a badminton racket.I just don't understand what is she thinking,am I that bad until she hate me that much?I couldn't believe that she can accuse me without any evidence.Yet her bunch of girlfriends which don't really know me,believe her and kept gossiping about me.And they thought I don't know that.I don't know who to tell as I don't want to drag anyone into this.But Nikk was the only one on9 that time and I told him all about it.He told me to confront Amanda and show her that I'm not a easy pushover person but I told him that a normal childish person will do that.I won't be that childish but to be more mature.I didn't tell Yvonne the next day cause I don't want her to get drag into this,after all she was once Amanda's best friend.I didn't want to spoil her relationship with Amanda.So I kept it to myself.Guess after she read this she will know la why that day I was so serious.

I wasn't angry at Amanda.Not at all,just a little disappointed.No idea why she hate me so much,until now I still don't know what I have done to make her like this.At least if she let me know,I will change but she didn't say the real reason.
As I was crying and questioning I remember Auntie Jenny told me that whenever your sad flip the bible and you will get the answer,God will show you.So I flip the bible and guess what?Its TRUE.He show me some scriptures and after reading it,I felt so relive.Tears stop dropping and I slept deeply.

I know its just a HUGE misunderstanding back then between Amanda and I.I believe with God,nothing is impossible.I know I will have to solve this problem on my own someday somehow,but He will guide me through this.No matter what she did to me,how she had hurt me,how much she hates me,she will always be my friend.All I can do now is just hope and pray.Guess the problem is Amanda not anyone of us cause the same story happens to her own bestfriend,Fel as well.She and Amanda had some misunderstanding and stop talking to each other for along time already.I just hope that her bestfriend will not ended up like me and her.Well,the last thing I want to do is to hurt my bestfriends.To Yvonne and Nikk,I love you two so much!!! =}

Oh WELL!There's a few pictures to show which brightens up my day!